I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
