he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
