Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
