While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
