Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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