if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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