If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
