things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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