I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
