you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
