I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
