There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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