SEEEEXXX PLEASE
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
