he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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