if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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