i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
