wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
