plz talk dirty to me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
