The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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