He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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