Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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