Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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