I think I just saw someone hide a body.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
