Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
