Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
