1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
