i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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