You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
