Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
