you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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