If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
