Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
