Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
