it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
