____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
