Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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