I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Michael Bay diarrhea
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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