I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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