Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
