Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
