Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
