The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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