i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
