Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
