SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
