My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
