He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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