last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize