god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
