if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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