no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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