I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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