Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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