just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
