I think i peed on brittanys purse
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
