I smell stomach acid.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
