"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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