Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
