Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
