We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
