I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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