So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
