Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
