I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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