True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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