just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
